Exposed

Exposed

Mir Mahboob Ali

Farhan is very upset. He has not properly slept for days now. He has lost appetite and is suffering from upset stomach. His mother is alarmed at his quickly deteriorating health. She tried to talk to him but he simply ignored her. Naznin on the other hand is also visibly upset and trying hard to hide messy emotional state of her mind. She has recently agreed to marry a very well qualified good-looking man of her parent’s choice. Before deciding to accept the proposal, she fought with herself for weeks. Naznin and Farhan had lengthy talks about their relationship and its future.

Naznin, “Farhan our relationship has no future you must realize.”

Farhan “Then why did you not told me earlier? Why didn’t you stop the whole thing… at the beginning … it would not have hurt so much…?

I’m sorry I did not realize it would come this far. I always thought we just have a friendship I being older have no chance of an affair blossoming between us. I thought I had control over my feeling and thus would be able to keep your emotions from flaring up.

You are betraying me … you have played with my emotions … You have done all this knowingly … you just wanted to ….

Please stop all these Naznin almost shouted at Farhan.  I never wanted to play with your emotions. I never thought I would love you as much as I do. I never thought knowing I am much older than you are, you would fall for me even if I fall. I therefore continued a friendship I enjoyed with you I thought without risking hurting you. I love you as much as you love me and you would not be able to marry me if even we want to at least before five years. I cannot wait that long. I would be old before you even begin to feel adult. Please try to understand. We would not have started a friendship if that episode of baring me did not happen.

All right, but it happened because God wanted it to happen. That means God wanted us to begin a friendship and then why are you breaking it off?

I am forced to because, I know if I refuse to marry now I would not get a proposal like this in million years. You would not be able to marry me because you are only a child now. By the time, you would become a responsible man I would be old. You won’t find me attractive and lovable anymore. We both will suffer. It is better that we suffer now and decide judiciously.

I’m sick and tired of your reasoning. Your logic seems perfect but deep within me I can’t reconcile with the idea of a life without you. I love you so much. I love you so deeply that you can’t imagine. I would rather be dead than be without you. Please don’t think with your head, think with your heart. I loathe you, I despise you, and I hate you, I

…. Farhan stopped short of cursing her to infinite inferno.

Please listen to me I will always love you, always hold you close to my heart, always remember you but I can’t marry you for that will spoil our love, we will end despising each other. In ten years, you will know that I were right and did the right thing for us …

Farhan is too occupied in his thoughts. He is not listening to Naznin anymore. Her voice seems to come from a distant future. She is talking about things that have not happened, yet. He unburdens him engrossed in the past. He is almost in a dream, a dream where everything is so beautiful, so serene, so calm and heavenly. They are talking to each other without any feeling of time and place and oblivious of the surrounding. Farhan gets lost in the thought of Naznin, Naznin the beautiful, the mature wise women he has gotten used to look upon for guidance and advice.

She is a beautiful young lady studying for her graduation in the Teacher Training College. In her locality, she never is seen without her veil. Like the ultra orthodox, she does not cover her face though her body remains perfectly covered. Attractive with or without her veil she looks beautiful and she is conscious of her beauty. Even with her veil, she is not spared the attention of boys of all age. The black Burqa covering her curvaceous body covers less and reveals more as it spares more space for imagination. Young imaginative boys enjoy being imaginative as that allows more time than a fleeting sight of a beautiful object.

Farhan resides in the same area as Naznin the lady in Burqa.  He is younger and attending the college beside the Teacher’s Training College of Naznin. Often they travel by the same bus as their classes begin almost at the same time. Farhan never pays any attention to Naznin, and so the same is true for Naznin. Farhan always treats Naznin as a senior with deference and Naznin never takes cognizance of his presence. Gradually their facial expression will tell that they have begun to recognize each other whenever they face each other. They also know each other by name, now.

The side windows of the Women Teacher’s Training College open onto the playing ground of boy’s College. Young college boys play cricket and other outdoor games there. Specially while playing cricket boys get a chance to come nearer the windows, fielding near the boundary. Boys are eager to be put on the boundary. They play less and watch the women more. Boys just attaining their puberty are extremely curious about women. The women studying in the teacher’s training college naturally are senior to the adolescent boys of the college. They treat them with kind contempt even forgiving their vulgar verbal obscenities seemingly exchanged among themselves actually aiming future lady teachers. Emboldened by such leniency the boys began directing their verbal attacks more directly to the women. The women training to be teachers are held back by pride to lodge complains. Therefore, they first tried to check the boys by scolding and threatening them, showing sandals, shoes etc. but the rogues remain unruffled.

Reaching the limits of their tolerance one of the women suddenly exposed her breasts and invited one of the boys nearer the windows saying, “hey you baby do you want to suck mummy’s breast.” Even the most notorious boy among the boys has been dumbfounded by the suddenness of the incident. Boys offended and their pride hurt immensely stop approaching those dreaded windows afterwards. However, Farhan has been watching the incident from far, he recognizes Naznin being the lady. Naznin also from quite a distance recognizes Farhan.

“It is impossible,” Farhan Thinks. A simple, docile and serene women, like Naznin, cannot do it.”

She while retuning in the evening blushing hugely faces Farhan at the bus stop. Involuntarily, she holds Farhan’s hands into her and requests him not repeat the matter to anybody in their neighbourhood. She would not let go his hands until he promises not to. Then on they began to talk to each other whenever they happen to meet.  Gradually a bond develops between them of camaraderie and trust.

After a few months, now, almost everyday, to and from college, they found them waiting for each other at the bus stop. While journeying by the bus for about an hour or so they enjoy talking to each other but invariably getting down from the bus they depart as if unknown to each other. Precaution thus exercised involuntarily without being said. This very precaution makes the relationship interesting. They both find themselves begin to feel attracted to each other, though they would not admit that even to themselves. Unknowingly, the bus trips become necessary. Somehow, they will feel unfulfilled without meeting each other. The attraction she explains to herself as the affection for a brother like boy. He thinks it is a love for an older sister like women. They are violently jolted to realization when Naznin receives a marriage proposal and after pondering over for weeks says ‘yes’.

All these time firmly believing that the uneasiness that she is feeling in her heart is nothing but the apprehension of the future. She discussed the matter with Farhan and he seems to agree with her that she should not let such a good proposal pass.

She says ‘yes’ unaware that she really loves Farhan. Farhan thinks he should be happy to hear such news, but he could not be happy for some unknown reason. Almost immediately on hearing the news he tries to smile but his smile distorts beyond recognition, tears swell in his eyes. He fights hard to hide his emotions from Naznin. Naznin on the other hand wrestles with her own emotions and fights back her tears. She knows she can’t show any weakness now. She realizes now that denying their feelings for each other they were not bluffing anybody but them. The word “Yes” did the trick.