Insatiable Quest for Love

Mir Mahboob Ali

Shushmita’s insatiable quest for love, the way she perceives it, sends her in a never-ending search for ideal love. She has a Utopian idea of love where her partner does everything as she likes him to or as she thinks, he should. She is not satisfied with her husband with whom she mothered two children. Of many complains against him, currently the art of lovemaking has become a contentious point in their relationship. Perfection, in lovemaking, is an obsession with her these days. Her husband has never been able to reach the height in the art of lovemaking, which according to her is a technique that needs constant endeavour to attain refinement. She is perfect! She has tried her best to teach him refinements, but he is an insensitive beast, according to her. All attempts, of refining and polishing the beast, have been unsuccessful. Surprisingly, the husband is much older and is an experienced man in the affairs of the heart, and he had had intimate relationships with quite a few charming ladies, according to Shushmita – a contradiction that she never cared to explain. Their marriage has not been very smooth and had been through phases of extremely delicate situations but somehow survived the ordeal of being united. Currently, their marriage is on the rocks, because of an extra marital affair of the lady. The paramour is her boss. She is having an affair clandestinely and seems fulfilled. She sings, she laughs, and even dances but not in response to things happening in her immediate surroundings, as if she is dreaming. Her behavioural change has not escaped the discerning eyes of her husband Ayaj Ilahi. He has been through this before he remembers suddenly, and is alerted. Whenever, she suffers one of her infatuations, she behaves like a being from an unknown planet. An attractive lady, with a tremendous sensual appeal, she has a propensity to fall in for people that catches her imagination. In parties, shopping malls or in the workplace men cannot help looking at her. Some stare at her helplessly! She is confident that these males waiting for a positive glace from her, and as soon as bestowed with one, would fall on her feet. A confident Shushmita advances on her target, like a lioness, ever ready to pounce on her prey, whenever, she is hungry, and most of the time, she succeeds. Until now, all her liaisons remained short and mainly undetected. None of the partners felt the abiding urge to continue. Some younger unmarried ones had other more alluring interest; she was just an extra, others, older and married, generally, drifted away threatened with exposure. Normally, the wives get the inkling of husbands’ affairs before everybody else. And in some cases, some unidentified well wisher inspired by kindness of the heart informs the spouse, most of the times causing unnecessary complications. In her case too, some such well-wisher has been kind enough to tip off the spouse. Only in this case, it is not the first time that the husband is facing such a situation! The situation is further complicated because of her fantasies. Ayaj many a times finds himself running after mirages. So intense is her fantasy that the whole affair gets beyond Ayaj’s comprehension. He is, totally, unable to distinguish between the real and the unreal. She names people and describes surroundings and situations, which seems so far fetched that Ayaj is sure they are not real! In many instances Ayaj’s investigations lead to nothing, while others, justifies his suspicion, where the characters and situations are familiar. She is sleeping with her boss for some time now. She is in love. She thinks she has found what she has been looking for! Ikramul Bari, the boss, all the while has been dishing out concocted stories of his unhappy married life because of Shirin, the ill educated woman he has been forced to marry by his parents. Shushmita thinks she has found a Comrade-in-sorrow. Ikramul Bari says, “You know darling, my wife is a bit psychoneurotic and that is why out of pity I have not divorced her, since I am a very soft-hearted man.” That accentuation, on soft heartedness, plays havoc with Shushmita’s erratic propensities of emotion. She gets enamoured with the very idea of friendship with a kind-hearted man, as if she has never come across one, ever! He mentions, ‘not divorcing his wife’ in such a tone that implies readiness now. Shushmita, sure that Ikramul is going to divorce his wife, plans to prepare ground for her own divorce. One day finding her husband Ayaj Ilahi in a jovial mood, she begins, “Ayaj I have been thinking about our relationship for a long time.” Ayaj gives her a look, as if saying, ‘what is there to think?’ And continues being in a jovial mood and even tries to cut some jokes. But, when, Shushmita keeps a serious face, he says, “Yes, what have you been saying?” “No, nothing, I was talking about our relationship,” replied Shushmita. “What happened to that,” asks Ayaj. Shushmita drops the bombshell, “I am contemplating a divorce,” Ayaj is dumbfounded. He does not know how to react. He has heard her saying several times: that she wants a divorce, that she is overwhelmed by tension in their relationship, etc., etc., but she never sounded so determined. There is a tone of finality in her voice. Ayaj becomes alarmed, and the expression of happiness vanishes from his face like the winter sunlight. He somehow manages to say, “What did you say, you want a divorce?” After a long pause, regaining semblance, he asks, “And why, may I ask you?” Shushmita, “You know why, you have not been the ideal husband. You have time and again mentally tortured me by neglecting me from the very first day of our marriage.” She keeps on listing her grievances, which she has been doing all the while they have been married. Ayaj responds angrily, “Please stop all these nonsense. You conjure up these allegations, against me, but I am the most considerate husband one can find. You know, for this, I am known as a henpecked man, in my friend-circle.” Saying that Ayaj moves his head like a tiger! As if, saying to his wife, see, what a tiger I’m! The discussion stops there as their daughter joins them. They switch to some other topics. Sometime later, they retire for the night. Peace prevails! After a good night’s sleep Ayaj’s mind clears up and he starts thinking about Shushmita, “Is she serious? What is the matter with her? She often talks about divorce whenever... She is infatuated...” Suddenly, it clicks in Ayaj’s mind, “Yes, Eureka, I have got it! She must be in one of her fleeting liaisons.” He is blissfully unaware that this time it is much more serious. The man this time is a seasoned player, a hard nut to crack. His job has placed him in a position to come across women who normally work under him. Over a period, he has become an expert in discerning vulnerable women who easily fall prey to well-orchestrated love games. These are unsatisfied women, some for reason only known to them, craving for love, who only need somebody to touch and caress them, and soothing words inflame their emotions like an animal in heat. A master in the trade of love games, now a powerful director of a semiautonomous organization, Ikramul Bari spots Shushmita on the second day he joins the organization, she works in. While attending the officer’s meeting, Ikramul’s eyes spot her as a possible prey. She is attending the meeting, but clearly, she is not there, and she is looking vacantly at the speaker. The hollow look, to a discerning experienced onlooker like Ikramul, expresses a lot – enough to log on to the target. On to the target logs Ikramul immediately. He immediately after the meeting wishes to visit officers at their work. After about an honour, he begins his tour de tryst and the third officer he visits is Shushmita. Obviously, he has done his homework. After Shushmita, he excuses himself from continuing his tour by feigning headache. However, he does not forget to shower praises on Shushmita, in the short time he stays in her room. He praises the decoration, the arrangement of the files, the colour of the carpet and the window-screens, etc., though she has nothing to do with those. Shushmita is pleased. She thinks, “Men must be like this, showering praises.” Then, after a few days, he again comes to Shushmita’s room, and hurriedly leaves as if he has mistakenly been there. But he does not forget to praise her looks in the sari she is wearing. Even Shushmita could only blush, as she is not given any time to react! But, Shushmita is happy that she is attractive enough to catch her boss’s attention. They continue to meet on official business and Ikramul pretends to have no interest in Shushmita as an individual other than an officer working under him. Shushmita’s ego is bruised. She in her mind vows to enamour Ikramul without the slightest idea that Ikramul has already targeted her as his next catch! She begins to go to her boss’s room finding the flimsiest reason. Gradually, Ikramul’s hold on her increases to such extent that she no longer could exercise her will in the presence of Ikramul. It happened, because, she wanted intensely, earnestly to fuse completely with Ikramul, leaving no distinction between them. With such an intense desire to lose herself in her lover, she unconsciously inactivates her will in his presence. Slowly, she also loses the perception of their different physical bodies and identities to an extent where Ikramul plays with her body and soul, as he wants. She is in a perpetual trance, where nothing matters but Ikramul. Ikramul takes total advantage of the situation. Her whole entity is wildly yearning to unite. She finds a friend who provides her the place for rendezvous. The love trysts are exhilaratingly satisfying. Ikramul is talking to her. She is rapt in one of her fantasies. At the height of her fantasy the ground from beneath her moves and she feels like floating in the vast emptiness of the universe. She feels dizzy in the head. She feels light like a feather, she is basking in the soft moonlight so happy and fulfilled she is that the world turns into heaven, she is unable to imagine a place, better than this earth. She groaned with excited satisfaction and opened her eyes, shocked by Ikramul’s loud assertion that he is leaving. Very often, she swings into such rapturous states. And therefore, at present, is unmindful to what Ikramul is saying. Ikramul says, “Darling, don’t be upset I have taken a transfer to another department, since your husband has become suspicious and even contacted my wife! That was very irresponsible of him. I have two children. And he tried to break-up my marriage! Can you imagine?” Ikramul promises to continue their liaison even after he moves to another department. She does not hear anything but, “He tried to break-up my marriage” keeps on buzzing in her ears. She feels numb even to feel sad.